Tumblr Memes, I Will Conquer You

By Shawn

I’ve become impressed by the number of Tumblr memes that have gone viral. Some of them are pretty amusing. As I result, I’ve become determined to try my own hand at this. And I think I’ve worked out the basic formula for Tumblr meme success:

animals or celebrities + whatever the hell = winning at the Internet

All I have to do is apply this formula, and the accolades are sure to start rolling in.

Shawn: Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Shawn.

Adoring Stranger: Wait a second. Surely not the Shawn who photoshopped all those animals and/or celebrities doing whatever the hell?

Shawn: The one and the same.

Adoring Stranger: Sir, if it isn’t too forward, I’d like to buy you some money.

Shawn: Why go right ahead!

I can’t imagine that going any other way. So here, without further ado, is my first stab at this:

Squirrels with Awesome Facial Hair


Pop Songs as Sonnets #4: Cee-Lo — F**k You

By Shawn

I spy thy coach; it driveth ’round the town,
And with thee is a wench belov’d by me—
Alack! Hot tears cannot my sorrows drown.
That shit’s messed up, and so I say, fie thee.
True, thou dost me exceed in finery.
Yea, I confess my change-purse holds no coins.
But had I jewels and men in livery,
I’d still have access to thy lady’s loins.
To think what silken shawls and comely blouses
I purchased for that most ill-favored sow!
God grant my prayers, a plague on both your houses—
Forsooth, I really hate thy ass right now.
I can’t believe that she’d do this to me.
I’m like, fie thee, and also fie on she.